Fun and Funny Links For Writers

Being a writer is hard work. It's filled with migraine headaches caused by rumbling over plot holes, going over your syntax with a fine-toothed comb, and all of the other brain-bending labor that comes from putting together a piece of art. That said, sometimes you need to take a deep breath, save your progress on the current work, and just go have a laugh or three. This week The Literary Mercenary brings you a handful of sites that if you haven't visited them you really should.

Right now.

Terrible Minds: The Blog of Chuck Wendig

When bad brains get worse.

For those who don't know who Chuck Wendig is, I am glad you finally ran Internet service under your rock. A risen star who's fought in a half dozen culture wars now, Wendig is also an author, screenwriter, and a freelancer himself. His blog contains both nuggets of wisdom (like the 25 Lies Writers Tell Themselves), as well as generally hilarious riffs and rips on the industry, the art, and the craft. Always good for a laugh.

The Official Evil Overlord List and The Mary Sue Litmus Test

They're never dangerous till they're clawing your face off.

For those who don't know about either of these things we'll discuss them in order. The Official Evil Overlord List (which can be found here) is a compilation of every trope the bad guy has ever fallen victim to. Assembled in a check list of dos and don'ts, this list is amusing to read all on its own. As a tool for checking to see just how trope-free your bad guy is, it's even better!

If you're a writer and you've never crossed paths with the Mary Sue, count yourself lucky! If on the other hand you're well aware of what they are, and you're looking for a quick and easy way to sweep your manuscript for them then you're in luck. The Universal Mary Sue Litmus Test is located right here, and now you and all your friends can take it to see who's lead is the most ridiculous!

Speaking of literary tests...

Who Do You Write Like?

He, like I, gotta get paid.

I Write Like is a website that looks through your work and compares your ear marks to those of famous writers who came before you. This test, located right here, includes a database that ranges from H.P. Lovecraft to Earnest Hemingway, and hits all the high points in between as well. So if you were always curious which of the old masters you invoked in your work, stop by and take a gander!

Thug Notes: The Only Cliff Notes You'll Ever Need

The Original Literary Gangster

For those who've always felt classic literature is a bit dull or boring, let Dr. Sparky Sweets break it down for you. The good doctor provides reviews of classic books such as Frankenstein, Fahrenheit 451, and Heart of Darkness, but he does it in a smooth, street-level lingo that will have you belting out laughs even while you pick up some knowledge. Check out all of his videos on the homepage located right here.

Put Your Voice To Work Reading Audio Books

And money.

While we used to call them books on tape, audio books have gone from being a novelty for children and the vision impaired to a huge industry. With more books being written and published then perhaps any other time in history voice actors are now more necessary than ever before. For those who have always wanted to try making money with their voices instead of just their words this article here provides a lot of insight as well as a few links to get you started in the world of audio books.


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How to Make an Amazon Author Page (And Why You Should)

Before we get started I'd like to toot my own horn a bit. It seems that Amazing Stories has taken an interest in the anthology Shadows of a Fading World, which was the debut anthology from Long Count Press featuring my short story "Paths of Iron and Blood". To see the nice things the reviewer had to say read the full review here, and if you'd like to buy your own copy (or just read the free sample) you can find it on my Amazon author page.

Don't lie, you know you want one.

What's An Amazon Author Page?

Well, since you asked so nicely I'll be happy to explain. As most authors (and all readers) know, Amazon is the premium destination for books online. Their Kindle is burying opposition like the Barnes and Noble Nook, and Amazon has become the nexus of self-publishing for ebooks. It's even expanded into audio books, and if you want to get in on Amazon's audio book revolution by reading books for money here's an article about Amazon's deal with Audible and iTunes and how you can take advantage of it.

Now because Amazon is just so damned big it's really hard for authors to get noticed. Unless you're already famous, or your books have been positively reviewed thousands of times, you're not going to get discovered very often. The reason for that is Amazon is a marketplace, and if what people want is Dan Brown and 50 Shades of Grey, then that's what's going to show up on the homepage. It's dismal, but the catch-22 of Amazon is that you and your books don't get seen by browsers unless you have a lot of reviews and purchases. Of course, if no one knows you're out there then it's impossible to get those purchases or reviews in the first place.

The Amazon author page is a tool to help authors consolidate their presences on Amazon, and to make themselves easier to discover.

You are here. No, no... over here.

How Does It Work?

The first step in getting an Amazon author page is to go to the Amazon Author Central Homepage right here and to sign up. Once you're signed up the page works like any other form of social media; you upload a photo, give the readers a short description of who you are and what you do, and you tag all of your books. Once you've done that Amazon will make sure to include a link to your profile on every page with one of your books so that if a reader wants to know more they can check you out with the click of a mouse.

In addition to making you easier to find by putting links on all your pages (which is particularly nice if you're in a lot of separate anthologies like I am), this author page also allows you to post links to signings and events you're having. Lastly if you have a blog (and I'm assuming you do) you can plug in the feed on your author profile so that anyone who stops by can see what it is you've been posting about. In short this profile acts as a one stop shop for everything you're creating that you want readers to check out.

What's The Catch?

There is no catch, friends. An Amazon author profile is simply a way to make sure that you can be more easily discovered, that readers can find all of your books instead of just a few, and that you get a chance to tell them where you're going to be and to hook them onto your blog. It's completely free, and costs you nothing more than the effort of signing up and creating an attractive profile for the masses.

Why would Amazon do something like that for authors? After all they're an evil corporation out to maximize profits and become a monopoly, aren't they? Opinions vary, but to answer your question Amazon provides authors with these profiles to help us sell more books. Through Amazon.

Gasp. Shock.

I've said this two or three times now; Amazon is here to sell books. They don't care what books they sell, as long as they get a cut of the action. If you write five novels, and one of them becomes a break-out success, Amazon wants an easy way to direct all those new and eager fans to your other books so they, and by extension you, can make more sales. By creating this tool they're helping authors to become more visible because more visibility means higher sales, and higher sales means more profits all around. You win, they win, everybody wins.

Do you have to do this to succeed? No, of course you don't. But while it's possible to start a fire by rubbing sticks together, it's easier to flick a Bic and call it a day. Why work any harder than you have to, especially when you've already put so much effort into getting books on the market in the first place?



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