Tips and Tricks For Writing Realistic Romance Novels

Relationships aren't easy; ask anyone who's had a few, and I guarantee you that there are going to be one or two horror stories in their repertoires. So why do we keep going back time and time again? Is it because we as human beings are social creatures, and thus we need to feel the strong bonds of community, friendship, and love? Is it because of the huge dopamine rush that makes seemingly reasonable people turn into giggling fools with how happy they are? Is it because no matter how hard and cynical we are it's impossible to deny the appeal of a couple who makes it through all the dark things in the world and remains in love?

It's all of that, and a few other things besides. That's why romance exists as a genre, and it's why it consistently has high sales. People as a species are compelled toward these stories, and it's why authors will not stop writing them.

It's also why fan fiction writers are never going to stop doing... all those things they do.

This week's entry is not here to tell you to stop. All I'm hoping to do is guide other writers past the bigger pit traps in the red road, and to help you all improve your stories so they can be the best they can be.

Savvy? Savvy.

Tip #1: There Is A Fine Line Between Fiction And Wish-Fulfillment

One of the most common critiques I've read (and keep in mind that my reading in this particular genre isn't as extensive as my reading in, say, horror or sci-fi) regarding either romance books or books with heavy romantic themes is the trend toward wish-fulfillment. You could argue that all fiction is just wish-fulfillment, but according to this entry at TV Tropes this term specifically refers to instances where the author sacrificed good plotting, deep characterization, solid pacing, etc. in favor of making a story work out the way he or she wanted it to.

This was clearly written for spatulas who want to believe they can get with knives. Juvenile.

Let me be clear; you're the captain of this ship. If you want to drive it into an ice berg or slam it into a coral reef, then that is your prerogative. However, it is your job as the storyteller to craft a tale that is satisfying, well-written, and which doesn't have any obvious flaws in it.

Let's provide an example of wish-fulfillment, shall we? Let's say that a man decides to write a romance novel. He himself is a hopeless romantic who's had a very spotty record with women, so he decides to write what he knows. Throughout this novel our lead bumbles his way through encounters with beautiful women who are quickly won over by his awkwardness, and develop strong feelings for him. He's trying to choose one of them, but the ladies all get together and decide they love him enough that they will share him with no strings attached.

Sounds a bit gag-worthy doesn't it? It does... but it's also very ham-handed. Most wish-fulfillment is a bit more subtle. For instance, isn't it weird how the motorcycle-riding werewolf millionaire just happens to fall madly in love with the frumpy, middle-aged recent divorcee? Or how the clueless guy who just broke up with by an admittedly manipulative girlfriend just happens to fall right into the lap of a new, beautiful woman who's secretly been admiring his horrible poetry on the Internet for years?

I don't usually say this, especially not on this blog, but some prices are too high to pay for your integrity. That said, there's nothing wrong with writing character with attributes you understand (or that you embody... some might argue Stephen King has made a career out of this). It is sometimes helpful to take a step back and ask yourself just who it is you're really writing this story for/about though.

Tip #2: Don't Skimp on Details

You have no idea how long it took to get to this point.

A common misunderstanding about romance is that it's easy to write. Guy meets girl, guy screws up and loses girl, guy comes up with crackpot plan to get girl back, they kiss, bam! Run spell check, pour a drink, and wait for the royalties to start pouring in.

Trust me, if it was that easy I would be writing this blog on the wi-fi hookup to my personal satellite from the rear deck of my yacht.

Romance is, no joke, the third-hardest thing to pull off in a story (the first is making your readers cry, and the second is scaring them hard enough that they have trouble falling asleep). With romance we're getting out into deep water, where you have to figure out emotional and psychological intimacy, personal bonds, lifelong dreams, and personal preferences. You need to know your characters' fears and desires, what relationships they've been in before this, and what it takes to really make them fall hard for another person.

That's deep stuff, and it isn't easy to realize in your story. It might be tempting to take short cuts. Short cuts like:

- Physical Desire He's handsome, she's gorgeous, what's not to love? Feelings, schmeelings, get to the good part!

- Hand-Waving Backstory No, really, they're totally in love! All that getting to know each other and courtship happened at some point in the indeterminate past. Oh, and they maybe broke up before, but knew they shouldn't have, because they're still in love!

- They Were Meant For Each Other Sure he's a vicious, blood-drinking creature of the night and she's an avowed monster hunter who's been fed hatred since she was born, but it doesn't matter because they were fated to fall in love!

- Because That's How The Story Goes Just look at all the things he's done for her! She's got to love him at this point... what else could she do?

- That's Just Fucking Adorable! Meet cute. So... much... meet cute...

There are other tropes, but these are the ones I'm the most experienced with. What I am not suggesting is doing away with any of these (okay, the fourth one can be thrown in a boiling lake to die screaming). What I am suggesting is that you take a step back and look at what you're asking the audience to believe. Is asking the audience to believe that an FBI investigator can find a career hitman charming and ruggedly handsome unbelievable? No, of course it isn't. Is asking your audience to believe that said agent would throw away any sense of propriety and procedure to have sex with said hitman while he's in interrogation unbelievable?

Yes. Yes it is.

I'll give you a fix, and I'll do it by using a few the tropes above just to prove they do have their places. Let's say the agent and our hitter grew up in the same neighborhood, and they were close friends as kids. They fought the same bullies, had the same classes, and read comic books on the weekends. At graduation our hitter kissed our agent, who was so shocked that he never spoke to his friend again (Yes they're both men in this scenario. That's diversity, deal with it). Our agent went on to college, but his friend was heart-broken by rejection and got mixed up with entirely the wrong crowd. A tough guy who wasn't afraid to to rough work, he helped a small gang grow bigger by drilling the boss's enemies. The boss is growing too vicious, and our hitter wants out. He contacts his old friend, and for a while things are a bit cool. Our agent is struck by his old friend's appearance, from his sleek physique to the sharp way he dresses. Just as the agent is about to open up about all the things he wished he'd said back then, our hitter tells him that he's in trouble and really needs his help. Yearning, danger, desire, and the knowledge that one wrong move could get both of them killed.

That's fucking romance!

Romance is more than the sum of its parts. Physical desire is important, but so is trust, friendship, and sacrifice. If it doesn't cost you anything to love someone (fear of rejection, personal safety, the looming shadow of monogamous commitment, knowing that you're painting a big target on your lover because you have merciless enemies) then there's nothing to give that romance any real flavor.

Tip #3: Romance is About People

Yes, even this guy.

It goes without saying, but it needs to be said anyway; romance is only as compelling as the people involved in it. You know why I decided to put the two lovers on opposite sides of the law in my previous example? Because Americans love their heroes, and they take most of their heroes from the criminal classes (famously said by someone who may have been Oscar Wilde). The rest of our heroes we tend to take from other dangerous professions like law enforcement, bounty hunting, fire fighting, and cow punching.

Seriously though, would the above story of estranged friends overcoming their differences and becoming lovers still work if one was an accountant and the other was a bar tender? Sure it would, because the elements that make the romance work (desire, budding trust, friendship, etc.) are still present in the story. Would your readers still be interested in the relatively boring romantic exploits of people with work-a-day jobs realizing that some things really do come back after you've let them go?

Maybe. But I'm pretty sure more folks want to hear about the shoot-outs, car chases, and undercover stings.

This is one reason in my view that villains and anti-heroes get so much play; they're compelling, and typically more so than the heroes they're placed opposite of. Raoul Chagny is handsome, dedicated man, a decorated soldier (in some versions of Phantom of the Opera), and he's willing to risk death, dismemberment, and worse to save Christine from the Phantom. Erik, the Opera Ghost, is more than twice (sometimes triple) Christine's age, and is a psychologically unbalanced murderer who attempts to blackmail Christine into staying with him in a dungeon that looks like something out of a 19th century production of Saw. To the surprise of no one Christine leaves with Raoul.

Ask fans of the stage production, the novel, or the pulps, and you'd be hard-pressed to find any fans who don't wish, deep down, that Christine had stayed with the Phantom. Why? Because he's interesting! Mr. Fantastic is a genius who accidentally gave his wife Sue Storm, her brother, and his best friend superpowers. That's cool, but Victor Von Doom is king of his own country, posses a similar level of intellect, has old world manners, a sweet suit of armor, and actually seems to notice Sue instead of constantly being wrapped up in his next big experiment. Romeo and Juliet weren't just two teenagers with authority issues; they were the prized children of warring gang lords who with every kiss were leading the city closer to violence and bloodshed.

You see where I'm going here? Anyone can fall in love; it happens every day. If the people romancing each other aren't very interesting though, then your readers are going to set your book aside and stop reading.

This was where this section previously ended, but I felt compelled to put something else here.

The couple that plays together, stays together. While some of you might be snickering thinking that this is where we discuss how much sex you should have your book, that's now what I'm talking about here. What I'm using this phrase for is to explain that no matter how cool, interesting, or awesome your characters are, they have to have some believable connection for their romance to feel real.

Let's go back to that millionaire werewolf biker and the recently divorced housewife. Why? Sure it's a nice fantasy; a beyond-amazing man sweeps an average woman off her feet and makes her the center of his mystical, dangerous world. But why does he feel that way about her? What do they do when they aren't making love in the woods or riding down the highway? Does she have a lifelong passion for Harleys, but she had to give up riding when she got married? Is she a nature freak who knows every inch of the woods and valleys around town? Is she an amateur folklorist, as curious about his world as he is about hers?

My point is that while the dopamine rush is all well and good, it does not a romance make. Your job as the author is to convince your readers that no matter how outlandish the couple you've created is, that their love is real. Why does the centuries old vampire fall in love with a 26-year-old girl? Because she's bold and unafraid of him and what he represents? Does she make him remember what life was like when he was young, virile and alive? Is she really good at chess, giving him a genuine challenge for the first time in 150 years? Why does the gently-born princess love the scarred barbarian? Is it because he treats her as a woman, and not as the idea of nobility? Is it because he shows her a world she's never known before? Or is it knowing that she's lived more with him, and he with her, than either of them have done before they began their adventures together?

These are the building blocks you should be thinking about. Big or small, romances are built on lasting traits and shared desires. Whether your couple likes the same video games, is passionate about the same causes, or works in the same profession, that brings them closer together. Opposites may attract, but new rubs off pretty goddamn fast a lot of the time.

So, to Sum All This Up

Here's the short version; if you're going to write a romance novel make sure that you present the relationship in a believable light, that both of the participants are interesting, and that the audience gets invested in their love. Don't rely on cheap tricks and titillation to keep your audience turning pages, and don't be afraid to roll up your sleeves and get into the nitty gritty parts of this budding relationship.

If you can do that, you too will have readers say things like, "I thought it was great! I didn't feel like I was reading a romance story at all."

Yes people will say this to you. Yes they think it's a great compliment. Thank them, sign their books, and be glad that you have fans.

As always, thanks for stopping in at The Literary Mercenary. If you'd like to support me, my work, and this blog please stop by my Amazon author page (located on the right hand side of the page), leave a small donation in the "Shakespeare Gotta Get Paid, Son" tip jar on the upper right hand side, or drop by my Patreon page and become a patron today! If you'd like to stay up to date on my latest posts and projects then just put your email in the followers box (again on the top right), or follow me on Facebook, Tumblr, or both!

"Sexy" and Other Words Writers Need to Stop Using

As an author who doesn't have his own marketing department, I tend to use a lot of social media. This means I belong to a lot of promotional groups on Facebook, I follow a lot of writer-themed blogs on Tumblr, and in general I try to stay plugged into what my fellows in the field are doing. The advantage is that sometimes I find really intriguing books, such as the Gonji trilogy by Ted Rypel, or Ghosts in the Yew by Blake Hausladen.

Because holy damn, that's why.

The disadvantage is that my feed gets crammed with promotion for a lot of books I'd really rather not see. Books that, when I pause to read the description, give me barking fits. After destroying a dozen chew toys and getting a calming belly rub though, I finally figured out what all these bad book summaries I keep seeing have in common. It isn't genre, it isn't plot, and it isn't even the target audience. It's the shallowness of the language used to describe the story.

Huh?

That's what I thought you were going to say. Since examples tend to work best, and I don't want to name names and earn the enmity of fellow authors, I will give you a paraphrased version that I keep seeing over and over again. It goes something like this.

Sexy female lead, getting involved in a dangerous or personally distressing situation, must seek help and join forces with sexy, alpha male lead. Will the two of them find the answer, and will their raging libidos get the best of them?

If you don't feel this is an epidemic then I urge you to go to your local bookstore and read some dust jackets. Romance, erotica, mystery, thriller, suspense, modern fantasy, classic fantasy, science fiction, it's showing up everywhere. The pacing might be slightly different, the plots might vary, but there are certain buzzwords that are showing up repeatedly. This is a plea to my fellow authors, and a warning to future ones; stop it. You're making us look stupid.

What's Wrong With Sexy?

As a concept, not a damn thing. Some genres are predicated entirely upon telling sexy stories about sexy people. The problem is the word itself. What is sexy? I guarantee you that whatever you're thinking, the next person to pick up the book and read the same sentence will not be thinking the same thing. It's lazy writing, pure and simple.

What is it that makes someone an alpha male?

Don't get ahead of me, stock photo philosopher. The term alpha (it's just assumed that the character is male, which goes to show we need more alpha females in our fiction) has the same problem from a completely different angle. What is an alpha? Is it a man involved in the leather and BDSM scene? Is it a wolves-of-Wall-Street type in a ten thousand dollar suit with a watch that cost more than most people's cars? Or is he a muscle-bound noble savage, free from the constraints of your society who makes his own rules? Those are just three images that came to mind off the top of my head, and there are likely a dozen more where they came from.

So What Do You Suggest?

I'm glad you asked that, bolded, italic type face. My suggestion for all my fellow authors out there is when you're coming up with your dust jacket hook that you cut the fluff. Language that tells us nothing about the characters, or is misleading, sensational, or flat out lazy needs to go. Period. It's the modern day equivalent of saying "and she meets a tall, dark stranger." Even if she does (or he, let's be inclusive here), could we perhaps come up with a better reason for us to care? Do a little more showing, a lot less telling?

What more do you want?

I want character descriptions that tell us who we're actually dealing with. I want robust language that draws me in and makes me want more. Honestly I'd prefer if writers stopped trying to be edgy and let their stories speak for themselves, but I'm not asking for miracles. Mostly I'd like a carefully crafted hook that makes me sit on an uncomfortable floor in a bookstore for hours just to find out what happens. What I want to see less of is writers using empty shorthand to convince me that these characters are different from every other pair in the genre. I'm also tired of my fellow writers showing off their leads' toned abs and curvy hips just to persuade me to buy their books. I have the Internet, I can see all the sexy I want any time on demand. What the Internet isn't providing me with are deep characters that inspire me, and whose stories I genuinely care about.

Next time you're describing your plot or your characters, sit down and ask yourself how you'd feel describing real people this way. Is the most noticeable feature of a dedicated, hard-nosed police detective that she's sexy? Or is it that she takes dangerous assignments and never quits until the job is done? Is the most dominant personality trait of a business tycoon that he's mysterious? If so, you might need to dig a bit deeper because you've only scratched the surface. If there is more to them, then show us. Give us an elevator pitch that makes us skip our floor.


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How to Write a Strong Female Character

So you've decided to write a strong female character. Maybe she's your lead, maybe she's a secondary, or maybe she's the villain. Whatever role she fills, you want to make absolutely sure your best foot goes forward as a writer as you create a woman the likes of which no one will soon forget. The road ahead is paved with good intentions folks, so I suggest you get your hands on a good map.

Muscular Isn't Strong

If I were to say "She Hulk is a strong female character," would you know why?

Is the word "hulk" a clue?

For those of you who said it's because she can bench press a small tank, you may be missing the point of the lesson here. Jennifer Walters is Bruce Banner's cousin. She wound up with a blood transfusion that gave her many of the same anger-induced hulk powers as Dr. B., and over time she's been worked in as a member of the Avengers who can walk through a hail of bullets and rip apart alien war droids without breaking a sweat.

But you know what else? Jennifer is also a professional criminal defense attorney. She's a woman with great compassion, strength of purpose, and personal ethics. She is also not someone who, even stripped of her powers, will let you walk over her. While being a big green rage monster is certainly impressive, it's the latter characteristics that make her a strong female character. If you want a strong female character you need to examine who she is, what she wants, and how she handles both herself and the world around her. You don't have to be able to sword-fight a kraken or arm-wrestle a giant to be strong.

Aggressive Isn't Strong

There's a trend in fiction for women with attitude. It's not new, and in fact it's wormed it's way into quite a few sections of TV Tropes (stop in and take a look around if you have a few hours to kill). Strong female leads are snarky, rough, standoffish, crude, and more than a little harsh... or at least that's what you'll end up with if you're not careful.

The aggressive/bitch female character has been done to death, and she is roughly half the population of the paranormal romance genre. You've seen her, at least in passing. She's constantly talking down to people, cursing like a sailor doing a stint as an over-the-road trucker, and she's generally seen as rough-and-ready.

Ask yourself this question; if you made this character male, would he been seen as strong, or as just another posturing, preening dick wad?  I'm not saying these characters don't have a right to exist. By all means, write as many socially aggressive and foul-mouthed characters as you want! Just don't delude yourself into thinking that a "take no shit" attitude translates instantly to a pillar of strength. Mostly it just makes the character bitchy, regardless of the gender.

Violent Isn't Strong

This is sort of a sub-section of the "many kinds of strength" mentioned above, but I felt it deserved its own slot. Let me be clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a female character who mixes it up with the bad guys. Machine-gun-toting G.I. Janes, mysterious snipers, magic-driven sorceresses, and mutant power-houses are all more than welcome. That said, having the ability to kick the shit out of someone doesn't make you strong.

No, no, no, no... a thousand times no!

This archetype, which I recently found out thanks to Tumblr (follow me there if you're of a mind) is referred to as the fighting fucktoy. You couldn't have avoided this one if you were sitting under a rock with your eyes closed and your thumbs in your ears. In movies she's Elektra, Catwoman (the Halle Berry version anyway), Alice (of Resident Evil fame), and the list goes on and on. She's a one-woman weapon, covered in guns, resistant to damage, able to leap tall buildings at a single bound and beat a horde of ninjas to death with her bare hands. So why isn't she strong?

The reason is that it isn't about her; it's about the male audience viewing her. All you need as proof of that is what she's wearing. If a woman was a dedicated vampire hunter she would, I guaran-goddamn-tee you, be wearing body armor. She wouldn't have a bare throat, much less a bare midriff. She would have sensible boots, probably with steel toes, and none of this stiletto-spike nonsense. Do you know why? Because if she were this kind of hardened warrior, even if she were indestructible for some reason or other, she would not go into the field in fetish gear. It's impractical, and it goes directly against the grain of the sort of character that's being portrayed.

There's a lot wrapped up in this, from endless arguments about boob armor (yes they exist), to why female superheroes dress so skimpily, to just how much attention should be paid to a female character's outfit during a fight scene. So, I'll cut through all of that and just say this instead. If you are writing a woman warrior, switch her gender. If she looks, sounds, or acts ridiculous, chances are it's because you tried to make her strong and sexy, but failed at both.

Sexy Isn't Strong

Feminine wiles have been used in stories ever since oral history. Whether it's the Black Widow seducing secrets out of world leaders, or the exotic dancer who dangles men like plot points from her fingers, sexuality and the embracing thereof is supposed to be a sign that a character is strong. It's not. It just means she's sexy.

In all fairness, there are worse things to be.

Sex and sexuality is an important part of who a character is and what she does. If she uses sex as a weapon or a tool, then that is a part of her character. If she's promiscuous, then that is also all right. She could also be a temple virgin, a medieval nun, or a happily married housewife. Sex doesn't make you strong either by its presence or its absence.

Masculine Isn't Strong

I'm not even going to grace this section with a picture. There's this idea that in order to be strong, a female character can't be feminine. This is hypocrisy at its finest. An author who falls into this trap strips away anything feminine from a character; she won't use makeup, she'll dress in masculine clothing, she'll use blunt language, and in many circumstances she'll even approach sex from a more traditional masculine perspective. Often the mysteries of the feminine confuse her, such as getting her hair cut at a stylist, wearing dresses, or the finer arts of seduction. This is not inherently wrong, as there are occasions where a woman might not have been exposed to these aspects of culture. It doesn't make a character strong, and if taken to extremes it can make your character seem outright ridiculous.

The Secret of Strength

Okay, so now we've covered what a strong female character isn't. So how do you do it? Start by listening to this man.

Who were you expecting?

I am not saying here that George R. R. Martin is the greatest writer who ever lived. Nor am I saying that you should imitate everything he does. However, to paraphrase him, when George was asked how he writes strong female leads his response amounted to, "I was always had the weird notion that women are people."

There you go.

The idea of a strong female character is flawed premise; simply write a strong character. That character should not be wholly defined by gender anymore than he or she is defined by ethnicity, profession, familial upbringing, or anything else. These and a thousand other things will shape the character into who he or she is, but no one factor should be given the absolute power to define everything else.

Writing strong characters isn't easy; if it was then everyone would be doing it. But much like getting six-pack abs or winning a golden globe award, there are no short cuts. You have to practice, research, and constantly ask yourself who your characters really are. Only then will you be able to create real, believable characters regardless of their genders.


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My Time in The Red Trenches: An Un-Romantic Romance

Many writers have had to do things they aren't proud of. Some of us edited college papers for stale pizza while working on the great American novel. Others took gigs as ghost writers, letting people put a different name on our hard work. A select few of us go a little bit further, into the bad part of Book Town. We take a deep breath, think of the money, and pen sweaty stories no one reads unless they're home alone. I was, and it shames me to admit I still am, a romance author.

Why The Shame?

A lot of people over the last few years have asked me why I'm so down on romance as a genre. They ask if I feel emasculated writing for a genre that people generally think of as feminine. They ask if I'm just doing it for the money and reputation until I can write something I want to write, and I'm tired of waiting. They ask if I blush when it's time to make my characters fuck. No, no, no, and for the last time, no. None of these things are why when I speak about romance I use the same tone I would use for being paid to clean up prophylactics from a drive-in parking lot. The reason is, simply put, that romance has a disease. That disease is bad writing.

Them's Fighting Words!

Then consider the gauntlet thrown. I've been on the writing and editing side of this genre, and I've seen things that would make a 4Chan administrator puke. Plot holes you could fit a grown man's arm through, deus ex machina that didn't even have a sheet over them, and saccharine dialogue that gave me thousand dollar dental bills. I don't want to say these things, and it pains me to think of them, but they exist and people are paying hard-earned entertainment dollars for them. Somewhere. Or so I'm assured.

Romance publishers, particularly small publishers, are so ubiquitous they are some of the first (sometimes only) places writers with no publishing credits and no agent can go to for work. These houses are hungry for new talent, and it's not hard to get through the filters. With the death of so many literary magazines and e-zines I had the choice of working for free on the magazine circuit and hoping for crumbs, or shooting for publication and royalty checks with a story that had romantic elements to it. It was no contest, and I dove in head first hoping for the best.

What I Saw

I'd heard all the rumors and all the stereotypes associated with the genre. It's all just mindless porn, one group said. There's no plot, character development, or believable relationships another group railed. Everything's in pink, said a heckler somewhere in the back of my head. I steadfastly ignored these prejudices when I decided to pen romance stories. I told myself all genres have bad writers and crappy books in them. All genres have their own stereotypes. None of that matters now. Write the story, get the commission, keep quality control happy by writing solid, believable stories that people will like, and you'll have a publication list the length of your arm in no time.

On the one hand, I was right. I penned one short story after another, even put out a novella in the form of a short story trilogy, all of them with romance blends as the overarching genre. I created believable characters who had to work for the relationships they were involved in, and I threw them into the gnashing gears of plots ranging from capricious fae princes, to invading alien hordes, to steampunk science gone wrong. I was riding high... until I saw who I was riding alongside.

When I was asked to look at new submissions and edit stories that had been accepted I seemed to be the only person trying to change the stereotypes about the genre. Without breaking contracts and naming names, I read stories where villains monologued, where magically transported time travelers from ancient Persia spoke modern colloquial English and were unfazed by Western culture and trends without explanation, where more than half of a story was dedicated to the lead's routine tasks at a veterinary clinic, and where the entire plot of a story appeared to be a man's juvenile fascination with a young woman's body when he woke up as her instead of himself.

In these stories there was no courtship between the characters, and that was bad enough. Romance is a part of everyday life, and if one can write believable people then a believable relationship (a good one or a bad one) isn't far behind. There was also no attention to historical details, no attempt to write engaging dialogue or fight scenes when they occurred, no motivation assigned to characters beyond a stock role ("he did that because he's the bad guy" doesn't fly when I'm holding the red pen), and there was not a single action taken by a character that anyone who hadn't been lobotomized with a sharp stick would have taken.

What I Tried To Do About It

I did what any self-respecting creative professional would do. I suggested we reject every story which was poorly written (passive voice, shifting tenses, an un-engaging plot were the most common reasons cited). When I was informed I could not reject certain stories because they'd been accepted I uncapped my editorial tool and tried to make helpful suggestions. Most of my suggestions were outright refused (the very logical "why does the immortal villain care whether or not the couple is happy together? They pose no threat to him, and will die off in a few measly decades" was pretty much ignored, much to my disappointment), and the manuscripts went to press. I decided to keep writing character-driven fiction that, while it fit the theme of the collection or publisher, integrated all sex and romantic attachments into the plot in logical ways while still telling an engaging story with visceral text that got under my reader's skin.

At The End of The Day...

I did the best I could. I felt then and I still feel now that I wrote interesting, solid stories any reader would be pleased with. Do you know what the most common compliment I've received from readers is? Those who've actually read some of my work? "I really liked it. It didn't feel like I was reading romance at all."

This is the literary equivalent of "I like fish as long as it doesn't taste like fish," and while it makes me proud, it also makes me a little sad. For a genre so expansive and with so much potential to have such negative regard tells me that we are doing something wrong. What is it? I don't know. My suggestions are that we collectively raise our reading expectations, refuse to spend good money on books that just try to titillate the audience for a quick buck, and for the love of all things holy use some classy cover art.

If you've read this far and aren't fuming too badly to concentrate, I am not saying that romance as a genre is bad. It's sick. There are healthy, virile authors in it trying to fight off the hackneyed infection. They can only do so much on their own though. It's up to readers, and if readers keep buying tripe then soon tripe is all that will be available.

"What do you expect?" I've been asked. "It's a romance book, after all."

I expect a book worth what I paid for it. I expect a book with attention to detail, whose characters make me care, and whose plot feels as real as the weave of my jeans. I expect real people to love each other, and to do so in such a way that doesn't make me reflexively draw a crimson Bic. I expect romance to stop being given an eye roll and a "boys will be boys" style excuse when it eats out of the garbage then tries to kiss you. That, in a nutshell, is what I expect.


About The Author

For those who are curious what sort of romance an author with this much vitriol would pen, feel free to check out some of my stories, listed with links to free samples below. If you want to hear more of my ramblings and keep up with my doings, then please follow me on Facebook or mainline me on Tumblr.

Summer People: When Bethany takes a job to help save up money before school she just wanted a summer that would never end. If she's not careful, that's exactly what she'll get. YA paranormal romance (the monster reveal makes it all worthwhile).

Heart of the Myrmidon: After the Hyperion War the earth's surface became a wasteland, and those victors who remained were forced to live below. Mankind created weapons the like of which had never been seen before or since. Weapons like Pollux. One of the Myrmidon, titans engineered as elite soldiers, Pollux has been looking for purpose ever since the guns went silent. He finds it in the most unexpected of places. A sci-fi/romance crossover, this story has a bit of heat to it.

Skin Deep: The City of Angels is going to hell. Malachi has seen it all before, and he's prepared to wait it out. Miracles do happen though, and when someone tries to take his away things escalate quickly. Angels, daemons, devils, and an Old Testament enforcer, this modern fantasy story doesn't pull punches and isn't afraid to start out smoldering.

The Unusual Transformation of Abraham Carver: Iris Carver's husband is dying of a rare blood disease. When an experimental treatment cures him, it seems too good to be true. He starts vanishing out into the night, and when Iris looks into his eyes she sees another man looking back at her. How much of Abraham is left, and will she discover his secret before it's too late? An unapologetic dark steampunk/erotica trilogy, don't judge this book by its cover.